According to Dictionary.com, anger is “a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.” “Anger is ‘an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,’ according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.” Anger is a response to threats and key in survival, fighting and defending. However, when improperly used can be very destructive. Anger in an aggressive expression is natural, but acting solely on these feelings is not acceptable, and often times leads to other negative consequences. Anger is something we feel as a defense. Dr. Spielberger advises of 3 main approaches with regard to anger: expressing, suppressing, and calming.
Expressing: An exchange of an aggressive approach with more assertiveness is essential in efforts to defuse tense situations and hostile feelings. Assertiveness is about respectfully, honestly and directly communicating your needs and concerns. Assertive communication is not about assuring you get what you want. Aggressive communication tends be direct as well, but only considers the rights of the speaker; it can often be controlling and attacking.
Suppressing: Suppressed anger can lead to physical issues such as hypertension, depression and more emotional/relational problems such as passive-aggression (not directly addressing the issue and lashing out at others in manipulative and emotionally dishonest ways). In addition, people who have issues with anger can also have issues with insomnia, digestive problems and headaches. Exploring and processing your feelings becomes necessary in managing your feelings.
Calming: Calming oneself is not about behavioral change only, but also about dealing with the emotional and inner roots of the feelings to promote lasting change from the inside out.
Tools for Anger Management are available. The American Psychological Association (APA) and I’d offer the following tools to help with anger.
• Exercise. Regular exercise provides a healthy outlet for stress management in general. It is a great way to release some tension.
• Identify and minimize triggers. Avoid situations (as best as possible) that likely tick you off. Examples: Don’t start an important conversation with a loved-one when your tired, sleepy, etc. OR Leave for your destination earlier to avoid frustration when driving to an unfamiliar place to limit any road rage.
• Practice healthy communication. Think before you speak. Is it nice, kind, helpful, necessary?
• Practice relaxation exercises such as focused breathing, visualization, progressive muscle relaxation.
• Check your stinkin’ thinking. Throw out absolute words such as “never” and “always” when communicating with others and when thinking of others and the world. Have realistic expectations. Disappointment is natural but when anger becomes uncontrollable, unreasonable and irrational demands are easy to hurl out. Understand the myths associated with anger such as: because you are angry, it means someone has personally attacked you, owes you something, and/or life should always be fair for example.
• Do not engage in rumination and dwell on problems. These actions tend to remove any potential for solution formation and only serves to exacerbate the negative feelings.
If you are struggling with anger or any other emotions that feel overwhelming and/or minimize your productivity in any area of your life, please reach out today. 1Alliance CPS therapists are available to help you identify the needed tools to help you heal and grow.
Resources:
https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control#:~:text=The%20goal%20of%20anger%20management,learn%20to%20control%20your%20reactions.
https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling
www.dictionary.com